That Joke Called Feminism

As a child, whenever I was asked about my dreams, it was quite simple. Brainwashed by fairy tales, my first priority was to get married to a "Prince Charming" and have kids of my own. It was my very own "happily ever after". However, I never cared to think about what would happen later. Once I get bored of my daily routine and would want to do something productive to feel good about myself. Of course, as a child back then, that scenario never came to my mind.

As I became a teenager, I realized that I have uncountable options to choose from, not only a marriage. I could be independent, with a career that I love and I chose to be a writer. I had a way with words at the mere age of 16 and I decided to lead myself to the path of writing, which turned out to be the only skill I realized I had.

As an Indian woman, we are quite different from the world. Education has never been a priority for us; we need to learn cooking, cleaning and expected to get married as soon as we hit our 20s. Jobs need to be quit to be with our husband, to take care of them, wash their clothes and clean up while they provide for us. As soon as we're married, the kids need to be on their way. It's a cycle that cannot be broken.

I was trying to make a name for myself, while many of my friends, younger than me, got married. This was a fact that I wasn't able to digest. At an age when a woman could work and create a career for herself, why would she get married and generate instant barriers for herself in a country like India. She had her whole life in front of her, then why choose a traditional, patriarchal path that didn't leave many options for her?

And after a few intellectual chats with my co-workers, I realized that she had no option. It was already a big deal that those women were permitted to study in a college. However, it wasn't their decision to get married. They weren't even allowed to choose their life partners. It was the intense family pressure put on them due to their caste, which got them married to a stranger, at an age when they weren't even ready.

I'm not against marriage. Two people officiating their love for each other can be nothing but beautiful. But with marriage, comes a million compromises and adjustments, solely for women. For instance, now in the year of 2018, the progressive India comprehends women in western clothes. However, most of these ladies are advised to fill up their closet with traditional ensembles after getting hitched. Some of them have to take permission after marriage to wear their favorite blue jeans.

Collectively, you may find our nation much more modern and updated with the world, but the bitter truth is lying in the gender inequality all over. Feminism is considered a disease in India and a feminist is kept at bay. The only reason for this harsh reality is that people anticipate that that we are and always be the weaker sex. It's a shame that gender equality is still a joke for not just men, but a huge class of women.

Book Review: The Whole She Bang

The Whole She Bang written by Lalita Iyer, opens up a whole world of women, and only women. Not many men really know about this world, filled with periods, unloved bodies, torturous bras, enemies of vaginas like thongs. And. Much. Much. More.

If you have already become uncomfortable after reading till here, I advice you to leave immediately. 

 

The author has conveniently incorporated the most important, yet disastrous life experiences, which have often lead me to the most embarrassing moments of my life. Of course, there must me more to come. 

The one point that struck me while reading in between the lines was that long lasting, till death do us apart, no longer works. Not all, but plenty of marriages have an expiration date. Sure, you can drag along the relationship, but it can be a complete waste of time. 

Emotional blackmail has been a part of our lives since the day we were born. And from the time we were start babbling our first word, we are taught the most sexist fairy tales like Cinderella, Snow White and other crappy stories which always concluded that a woman can only have a happy ending with her 'Prince'.

According to the society, women and cooking go hand in hand. Frankly, I prefer eating, but there are certain days, when I feel like cooking a grand feast. White sauce pasta, mashed potatoes, cream chicken. I have a talent for cooking. 

However, I am not going to add that to my resume (of marriage).

If I get married, I really don't think I would be cooking 3 meals on a daily basis. Maybe once in a blue moon.

 Men obviously have no idea about the painful ways of maintenance women have to go through, only to make sure they don't end up looking like a homeless drug addict. Waxing, facials, mani-pedis are as important as brushing your teeth.

And while women are supposed to look pretty in pink all the time, their work-life balance is completely opposite. In order to create that balance, job hopping becomes redundant to make sure you don't end up making presentations in your office till 1 AM. 

In the end, I would like to add that a man would not be able to understand the atrocities a woman has to go through, only to look a fine young woman. The adjustments of a marriage, handling work and a child, society's perceptions and those tiny sacrifices that end up taking huge chunks of her personal life, you should be fucking happy for not being a woman.